It Was In My Weakness.

     I've cried in my lifetime. More than most. But I had never cried like this - this was a heartache I had never experienced before. The feeling that I was failing, the pain of not being able to serve God to the fullness I wanted to. My dorm room at training served as an alter for all my hatred and bitterness of being an active student with  heart condition. Tears and sobs hit the floor, the wall, the bed, and always landed in the hand of God.
      In January I became very sick, and by March I was given a diagnosis of "Nuerocardiogenic Presyncope". It is a common condition in athletic youths, but everyone grows out of it...I was told however, that it has proved to be hereditary in my family and I'll have it for life. It keeps me from doing anything that could make my blood pressure drop...a lot of things make your blood pressure drop. Training made my blood pressure drop.
     Only day one and all ready I had blacked out three times and spent the majority of the day dizzy headed. And as I lay curled in a ball on my floor, I cried out to God to take it away. I wanted to do this. I wanted to serve him. I knew he could heal me. I knew it. Why wouldn't he take it away? Reaching onto the shelf, my hand grabbed the small leather book that has traveled everywhere with me for the last four years. Its worn binding, water stained pages, side notes, and underlined-highlighted-blocked-bracketed words showed its wear and tear...and my love for it. I knew that its words would hold the answer.
     Five minutes went by. My tears continued. Ten minutes went by. My heart still pounded in my ears. Fifteen minutes went by - all hell broke loose in that tiny, two-bed room. God had answered me loud and clear, and wrapped me in the biggest hug I've ever received.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

     God promised that his power would be made perfect in my weakness. Promised. Well, I was certainly weak...Time for some power right? But in my heart I had no idea what on earth he could possibly do through a girl who couldn't remain conscious long enough to finish an eighteen minute drama. Little did I know that I would only have to wait one day to be shown!

      Day one of  ministry. We had arrived in Panama the night before, and immediately knocked out. When morning came we were greeted with the sounds of construction, and the wonderful smells of Tia (aunt) Mirna cooking downstairs. Even so, waking up was hard for me. My soul was ready and running for ministry, my body was screaming to stay under the covers. But the longing of my soul won over as God reminded me that He would use this weakness for His glory.
      Later in the morning we walked into our first ministry site. A school in the area had opened its doors to our team, and to the Gospel. I was thrilled! We would be performing for an elementary group of maybe 100 kids, all chomping at the bit to see what we had come to bring them. The whole team was electric with the desire to serve here - and then we saw the stage. Oy! It would be a difficult performance, of that we were sure! two feet off the ground, on a five by seven foot stage...teeny.
      But we knew that God is above any condition. The drama would go on! And not just once. Just as we finished ministering to these children we were asked to show it again for the high school, and in our group we have a heartbeat of obedience. Quickly we unloaded everything and set it all back up again. That heartbeat of obedience was a little different for me, however. It was obedient, but it was also fifty times harder than it should have been, and it was five times slower.

   "Kayla," I walked over to a team mate. "Can you take testimony, I don't think I should do it yet." She agreed and made sure I was going to be okay, I told her if I had a break I'd be good to go for the drama. God was at work even in this, as you'll see in a moment. Soon the room was full the bursting with almost 70 students, all of them in high school, and most of them wanting to be anywhere but there from the looks of it.
       The drama went through, my heart continued pounding. All through I was praying that God would keep me on my feet. He did, and I couldn't have been happier about it...I thought. After the drama, we went to the front of the students and said that if anyone had any questions about this Jesus, they could come ask one of us.
      Three minutes went by and no one had moved. Whitney Maie and I began praying that God would move his Spirit in even one to step forward for him. No sooner had we said amen than a girl stood. She looked my way and immediately I knew she was going to see the Father that day. Reaching out my hand I introduced myself, and she smiled as she took it. I noticed a pain in her eyes, one that I recognized. Quietly she asked, "I want to know...I would like to know...How, how did God change your life?"

      I began to share my story, with Whitney Maie at my side and our wonderful translator speaking my words. But God wasn't done there...5 of her friends, and one of their boyfriends came up in just a few seconds and began to listen to what God was saying through me.
      "But," said the girl that had come up first. " you live in the US. Everything is easy for you there. Of course you can follow God." This shocked me! She really that? That life was perfect for us? If only she knew!
     "Honey," the Holy Spirit kicked in and took over. "It isn't a fairy land. Life isn't perfect or easy for me. I don't know what you are going through, but I am going through troubles too. I have a heart condition that makes doing this drama nearly impossible. Three days ago I was laying on a floor crying because I couldn't stay on my feet long enough to be the dragon. But I have a joy in knowing that God will use my weaknesses to show His glory. I love God because he loves me, not because he gives me things. He blesses me with life, and promises never to leave me. It can be the same for you all!"
      Tears were streaming down all seven faces...eyes were welled up, and the realization that God is good even when we are not registered in each of their hearts. I was blessed with hugs and kisses and "Mi Hermana en Jesus Cristo"s. 7 new siblings in Christ!

     God used my weakness to show his perfect strength. And as the trip continued it became easier and easier for my body to take the weight of the drama. By the time we performed our last, the only thing I suffered was the same heavy breathing and sweatiness as everyone else on my team.  
     It was when I was weak, that I was strong.

    Because Kayla shared her testimony, a girl came specifically to her and asked to hear more. Because she shared more, that girl accepted Christ. Marc spoke with a Buddhist boy who left with a spirit of longing, saying he needed to study more but that he had been "given very good things to think about". Whitney Maie prayed for the group the whole time and was moved to awe as she say for the first time people breaking down in tears at the sound of the Gospel. God moved in my team. God moved in Panama.

Have I told you of the great things God has done?