Feeling Small

I have found that there is nothing like a new experience to make a person feel extremely small.

College. That's what I'm talking about here.

I just got back from my first day of classes, and have barricaded myself in the dorm - trying to ward of the terrifying future of giving an oral report in Spanish. There are 600 faces I don't recognize, 15 miles of nothing between me and the nearest Sonic, and all I have to battle it is a box of fruit cups and some hot tea.

Well, that and Jesus. 

I know that my God is bigger than the fear inside of me (John 16:33). I know that my God gives courage to those who are trembling (Isaiah 41:10). I know He leads me every day in the direction he wants me to go (Exodus 15:13).

And if I just keep reminding myself of these truths, I can breathe again. 

He has overcome what is in front of me, He is here to strengthen me and give me peace, and He will continue to lead me even when I'm scared silly of my surroundings.

He's doing the same for you.

Pretty Pennies

There she was, high up above me on the jungle gym. Her curly blond hair swept back in a careless pony-tale, and her eight-year-old smile completely wiped away and replaced with a much-to-old-for-her-frown.

"What's wrong, Honey?" I asked.

She shrugged.

Undaunted, I persisted, "Wanna talk about it?"

After a moment, she nodded and she scrambled down the bars. We found ourselves on the swing set. I gave her a few good pushes, and then took a seat on the next swing. For what seemed like an eternity, we didn't speak - just pumped our legs up and down, and let the wind carry us. I silently prayed that the wind would carry away her worries as well.

If only it were that simple.

As our swings slowed to a stop she looked at me and sighed, "I just really hope my dad wants to see me today." Her words were barely a whisper.

My heart hurt. I knew a little of her past. Absentee father, single mom, insecurity - the unfortunate story of so many little girls in this world. How could I comfort her? I didn't  know where to begin, or what she needed to hear...or if it was even my place to speak about such a delicate subject.

But God is the provider of opportunities.

And this one came in the form of a shiny little penny, half hidden in the dust under my little companion's feet. As she stooped to pick it up I absently asked if it was heads up. It was. Before I knew what I was saying, the words from an old superstition were coming out of my lips - oddly enough, it wasn't my voice I heard; it was the voice of someone who knew what she was saying.

"Find a penny, facing up, and all the day you'll have good luck."

"Maybe," she looked up at me with a glimmer of hope in her eye. "maybe this penny will give me enough luck to see my dad today." And then, as if she realized how vulnerable she had just made herself, she flippantly looked to the sky. "Please God, make this penny be a lucky one!" She said dramatically.

That little glimmer of hope dimmed. It faded. And then it was gone.

She threw the penny on the ground and began swinging again. But I picked it up out of the dust, and stopped her swing. Looking her in the eye, I put the penny back into the palm of her hand, and I closed her small fingers firmly around it.

"Never, ever, loose that hope. Dad's don't always do the right thing. They don't always show us how much they love us. They don't make it to every dance recital, or every Daddy Daughter day at school. But all those things are part of life. What matters most, is that you hang on to hope. Hope in the world, is the thing that keeps it moving. And even if everyone else leaves you feeling lonely, know that I love you." And so does the real Father of our little lives, Dear. I added that part silently.

Her daddy did pick her up that day. And when he spun her around as they left the school, she caught my eye. She smiled and winked. "Lucky me" she mouthed. I smiled.

Friends, how many other little girls are out in our world - in our country - in our schools, and churches - that don't know the love of a father? That have been hurt or abandoned? Abused or mistreated? How many of these little girls have grown up into women, trying to mask their pain by efficiency, or a well put together family?

And what are we doing to show them the love of Christ?

It could be as simple as swinging with someone. As impacting as praying openly for them. But going to the one Father of our own little lives, and asking him to show us the opportunities around us, will make all the difference.

So, what are you going to be now?

I graduate tomorrow.

Wait...wait, did you catch that?

TOMORROW!

It still hasn't hit me, the reality of it. My head still says that I'll be returning to another year of high school in the fall...but I won't be. By August I'll be packed up and moving states away to a small Christian College in Mississippi. I won't be in my home, with my family; I won't be near the friends I've made.

Everything will be new; everything will be exciting - everything that is going to happen is just what I always dreamed would. I'm doing what I always knew I would. Haha, and there it is! If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me 'What are you going to do now?' I'd have all of my college tuition paid off for the next two years.

As we ran through our rehearsal today, my administrator sat our class down and told us that he wanted to give us some words. We sat, though not as still and silent as we most likely should have, as he imparted the following story:

"My mother, as you all know, has been walking home to Jesus for a long time now. Over the last few days she has been walking a little faster there than before...Yesterday I sat with her as she - frankly - lay dying. As the day went on, something amazed me; she is my  mother and I love her, but I've never seen her through another person's eyes. People began flowing in and out of my mother's room. Some were nurses on break, others old students just off work, one was a young woman who said to me how she had always felt adopted by my mother as a granddaughter. Each told me one thing: How sweet, loving, and thoughtful my mother was. They told me of her strong character, of her kindness, of her patience and so forth. They told me of her as a person...

Not one of them told me about my mother's life. Not one told me what she did. Not one mentioned her accomplishes, or her failures, or of how she had impacted them. They did not speak of what she did - but of who she was. And that is what I want to leave with you.

People have been asking you, 'What will you do now?'...but I don't want you to think about that. I want you to think about this: What will you be? Because the impression of who you are will last forever, even after what you did has been forgotten."

Mr. O' went on with a few more words...and we all sat silently. I am not sure what was running through the minds of my classmates, but I sat with tears in my eyes at the challenge. I am guilty, you see - guilty of focusing on what I will be doing, instead of who I will be. That is changing as of now.

And no matter where you are in life - graduating, or just starting; on your own, or head over heals in love; twenty-five or fifty-two - stop worrying about what you are going to be. Search on your knees for who God wants you to be. To sum it up in Mr. O's words:

"When you be the person God has for you to be, you will do the things God has for you to do." 

-------------------------------------

P.S. Please be praying for Mr.O and his siblings, as well as all of those that his mother impacted. She is happy and Home with the King - but pain on earth is still a very real thing. Prayers for peace, comfort, and joy are more than appreciated.
 

Stone Hearts to Flesh [part five]

{Ezekiel 11:19 - I will take from them their hearts of stone, and give to them hearts of flesh.}

Love One Another.

Something so simply put should be easy, shouldn't it? But too often we fumble - I fumble - over loving others. I get annoyed with them, become selfish, get tired of them, don't understand their humor, am hurt by them...I hold grudges and have petty arguments. Typical female, right?

But you know what? When I start to view others as God would view them, loving them becomes the most incredible thing in the world. A thought on that : God loves others in the same way that He loves me. God sees others the same way He sees me.

Shocked much?

When that key was shown to me, I about fell off my rocker (figuratively speaking, because I wasn't on a rocker - and even if I had been, the arms on my rocker are so long that there is NO way one could actually fall off it.). It makes sense though, because how can you have a heart of tender flesh if there is not love for the world in it?

So what does love for others look like? I'm going to take you to a well known passage of scripture, but maybe with a new light on it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

Love never fails.
 

This is the kind of love Christ is talking about when he says "Love One Another" in John 13:34-35.

And it looks like a blanket.

No, seriously! Love is like a blanket. It takes the verb and actively wraps itself around someone; the patches that make up the blanket are each of these traits in the verses from 1 Corinthians. If your heart is lacking one of these traits in its love, then your blanket has a hole in it - and what good does a blanket with holes do on a cold day? Not much. Not much at all.

When you think of your love for another person, or a group of people, try to picture a blanket wrapped around them. Point out the areas where you're lacking in your love, and work at patching those holes! I have a collection of many 'blankets' in my life, some of them are spotless and neatly pressed - others are sadly ragged and dirty. It is something I've been working at fixing.

Love one another, actively, and completely.
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So to recap:

A Heart of Stone                                                       
 *is standing still                                                        
 *is apathetic to the story of the Gospel                     
 *looks only at the person they were                         
 *withholds complete love from others                        

A Heart of Flesh
 *is growing in their Faith
 *finds joy in the story of the Gospel
 *is grateful for the person God has made them
 *wraps others in a warm blanket of love


Will you let God take your heart of stone, and give you a heart of flesh?

Stone Hearts to Flesh [part four]

{Ezekiel 11:19 - I will take from them their hearts of stone, and give to them hearts of flesh.}

 

Perhaps the hardest answer for me to grasp, was how to see myself as God sees me:

A guilty criminal - who has received full pardon.
A hopeless cause - whom he adopted into his family.
A mangled heart - that he took into his hands, and used to create a masterpiece.

Before you can understand how God sees you now, you have to understand how God saw you then.

Then, you were a guilty criminal.

You're in a dungeon cell. Captured by the weight of your sin. Satan is holding you as his own, a prisoner. You are guilty. There is no chance for you to stand clean in front of any jury.

Then, you were a hopeless cause.

No one was able to get you out of your prison. You were unable to break the habits of your sin. In fact, you did not want to get out - not really.

Then, you were a mangled heart.

Your sin, your bitterness, your pain had twisted the spirit given to you. It cast a deep shadow over any speck of light that might once have been there.

But God in his perfect love has looked past all of that. He sent Christ into the prison to pay the ransom, and take the punishment we deserved. When God looks at us - he sees Christ; not the mess we once were. He led us from the jail cell, into the very presence of Himself. He has called us his own. God has taken our broken, bleeding, crippled spirits and said "This, this is beauty. This is lovely. This is mine. Mine to love."

How do you see yourself? When you look in the mirror, who's reflection are you seeing?

The world will say you are ugly, plain, fat, too skinny, weird, unimportant...

But when you choose to see yourself as Christ sees you, as God views you, things change. The reflection becomes beautiful, unique, hopeful, strong...His.

Romans 9:22-26 says it all:

"What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath - those headed for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy , whom he prepared in advance for his glory - even us whom he called, not only from the Jews but also the Gentiles? As he says in Hosea:
 

'I will call them 'My People' who are not my people; and I will call her 'My Love' who is not my love.'

and,

'In the very place where I told them 'You are not my people'; I will now call them 'My People'. "

Let it sink in for just a bit.  We are the objects of God's mercy. We were headed for destruction, and yet he cared for us with patience, and showed us his glory. He calls us His People. He calls you His Love.

We are no longer Prisoners of Sin - we are Objects of Mercy and Love.

 

 

 

 

 

Stone Hearts to Flesh [part three]

{Ezekiel 11:19 - I will take from them their hearts of stone, and give them hearts of flesh.}

In the last post, I wrote to you that Salvation is not the end, and that growth is rewarding (even though it is sometimes painful). This post is concerned with how to begin growing - how to take that step forward in our walks with Christ, and take in all of the character He has in store for us.

Do you remember the day you first realized what Christ did for you? The moment when you fell in love with Him, and asked Him to take over your life?

One hot summer's day (June 28, 2006) there was a young girl at a Christian summer camp. She was surrounded by the friends she had made throughout the week, everyone was laughing and talking, but she knew something was missing. From early in the week she had felt a knot in the pit of her stomach every time someone brought up Jesus. It wasn't that she didn't know what they were talking about, she knew the answers to every question they had asked her and felt confident in her knowledge of the Bible. The problem was all this talk about Jesus being the Lord of your life. The ONE person you follow forever. The ONLY master you serve.

She wasn't sure she had put Jesus in that place in her life. But she wanted that to change.

I was the little girl, 11 years old, who accepted Christ that night. And I can remember being so thrilled about the decision, that I went to all of the friends I had made to be sure that they knew just how important it was to make Christ your King.

Christ was my First Love. And during my time in the complacent church, I saw that I had turned away from the Love I had received in Him - the only love worth having. I had begun to worry more about my own material condition - about how I looked, acted, who liked me, whom I liked - than the condition of the Kingdom. More than the sacrifice Christ was. More than His power. More than His Love.

The root of the problem? I had become more interested in what Christ could DO for me, than what Christ already DID for me. I let the blessings overpower the source. Let's check out 1 Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 15: 3-4

"For what I [Paul] recieved I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, [and] that he was raised on the third day according to Scripture"

FIRST IMPORTANCE. The news that Paul is 'passing on' is to be regarded as the most important information above all others. What news?

Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures.

Christ was buried - He was not coming back.

Christ did come back - He rose after three days according to the Scriptures.

Why then, if this is to be of first importance, do we focus so little on the Gospel of Christ? Why are we so intent to share the blessings of Christ - but not intent to appreciate the sanctification of Christ?

I think part of the reason is because we no longer see the Gospel as active in our lives. We have stopped looking for the action, stopped thanking God for His gift. In the words of my friend Marc:

"...Don't tell me about what I need to do. Tell me about what Jesus did! It is the gospel that creates lasting change in our hearts! not a list of do's and dont's."
 

Faith is not about living right. Christianity is not about blessings. Being with God is not about looking pretty and carrying a cross around your neck.

Love. Gratefulness. Amazement at what God has done - He came to the filth that surrounds us, and died.

Remember that First Love. Remember that Joy. Remember His Sacrifice. Only by holding onto the message of the Gospel, will we ever be able to move forward.

Stone Hearts to Flesh [part two]

 {EZEKIEL 11:19 - I will take from them their hearts of stone, and give to them hearts of flesh.}

My time with the complacent church has always stuck with me. Over the years I have remembered the dull and disinterested eyes that drove me to seek out answers about passion for God, and His plan for the life of a believer. One of the first things He showed me was this:

Believers have the habit of crossing over the line of Salvation, and standing still on the other side - even though there is a road of growth and adventure stretching endlessly on before them.

This endless road of growth does begin with salvation, but does not end there by any means. Check out Philippians 1:6 with me:

"...being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion in the day of Christ Jesus."

Salvation is not the end of the ride! It is merely a mile marker on a long stretch of highway. Since that is the case, what is the next step?
Renovation.

John 15:2 says,

"He cuts away every branch in Me [Jesus] that does not bear fruit; and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, so that it will bear even more."

This whole process of turning a stone heart into a heart of flesh? It's not easy. Pruning? Yeah, it hurts. When you accept Christ, and then take the step forward on the highway, God will repeatedly take away any imperfection in your life. One by one he will begin to yank away the weeds, cut out the rot, and trim the edges of your imperfect heart. And it will hurt you. It has hurt me.

But it is so worth it! Even if it takes the pain of disappointment, and the sting of letting things go in order for a heart to grow continuously closer to Christ, I am in.

Ask yourself : Am I going to walk forward? Am I going to allow God to cut away the old me, to burn out the weeds in my heart, to mold me to be more like Him?

...Or am I going to stand still on the other side of Salvation, ignoring the growth and joy I could have if I just kept walking forward?

Stone Hearts to Flesh [part one]

    A while back I had a dream. It was one that left me shaken, and hurt - and for several months I carried it around without knowing what to do with it. I knew God was trying to share a message, trying to tell me something about life that I couldn't see for myself. But not until recently did I really understand just what it was.

    In my dream it had been just another Sunday. Nothing out of the ordinary. I sat alone on a pew near the back of a church, singing along with the rest of the congregation to a familiar worship song. Our voices blended well, and nothing seemed unusual. Men wore their best button-ups, women kept their attire modest and children in line. Typical southern Sunday scene. But just as the last line of "Bringing in the Sheaves" faded away and "Amazing Grace" began, I noticed that there was something strange in the room. Or rather, something strange was missing from the room.

    I looked around, still singing, at the faces in the congregation - what I saw shocked me. The people around me seemed sad. No, not sad. Disconnected! As if their minds were running on autopilot and their hearts were sleeping in. Their mouths moved, and their vocal chords were in working order - but their eyes registered blank. They may as well have been singing "...Drove my chevey to the levey..." instead of "...That saved a wretch like me...". Looking up to the choir, I saw the same disinterested expressions looking back at me. What had happened to the passion that had once filled the little church? Why was no one happy to be in God's house, singing to Him, and thanking Him for his mercy?

   As I walked slowly behind the others out the front door, I glanced in a mirror and saw myself. What I saw made me stop in my tracks. The same expressions of apathy and distraction that I had seen in the faces around me were there, etched into my face, and staring back at me with dull and lifeless eyes. I jolted - and that was when I realized, it was no dream.

   It was really Sunday. I was really in my church. My eyes really  held no life, no love, and neither did the eyes around me.

   That vision of the church has stuck with me over the years. Many times I have asked God how people could walk in such a continuall shade of grey after seeing the bright Glory of Him. How they could live and breathe every day by His grace, and yet take no pleasure in praising Him for it. The answer was not an easy one, but He has been showing me slowly - and through many trying experiences - how it happens.

   I've seen, on more than one occassion, how the Church falls into an in-and-out routine and walks away from their First Love. They forget their origional joy, and accept a quiet acknowledgment of God in its place. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to be blogging about the things He has shown me as they relate to my experience with the apethetic Church. It was not an easy lesson to learn, and one that you can take note of from my experience instead of going through the frustration yourself. If you've read my blog in the past, you know that this is not my usual method of writing - it's all new to me. But I feel that this is a message I can't simply keep to myself, so check back in the coming weeks to see just how a heart of flesh can turn to stone - and how God wants to bring it back to flesh.



  

Elephant Eating Etiquette

No Senior is safe on New Year's Eve. Life is just waiting around the corner in 2013 and that's the night to jump right out and snag it by the coat tails. Right? Right. Hold onto your new found freedom with both hands and fly into 2013 hot on its heels. That is what every Senior should do. That's what every Senior did, I'm sure.

Every Senior...but me.

My New Year's Eve was spent asleep on my parents' bed, recovering from my wisdom teeth being cut out of their happy little homes in my mouth. Something about the pain medication and inability to effectively communicate gives a girl some time to think, though, and thinking is one of my favorite things to do. So while everyone around me danced their way out of 2012, I delved into the deep places of my life and dreams to usher in 2013.

Resolutions. New Year's Resolutions was a topic often on my mind during my time of thought. I remembered my previous Resolution Lists - those ongoing promises to myself that I would change every flaw into perfection. I remembered how most of those promises never were fulfilled and how I ended every year still flawed in all of the same places. What was wrong? Surely my goals were not too high. Yes I lacked motivation, but how could I change that?

It came to me during my time laying around doing nothing. My goals were not too high, nor were my expectations impossible achieve. My self-discipline, though lacking, was not to be blamed for my failed Resolutions either. It was my plan of attack. Setting goals for self-improvement is a wonderful thing.

But how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

I have set three fundamental goals for myself this year. Goals that I believe will carry me well through life. But I cannot, and will not, be attacking them all at once as I have tried before - it obviously does not work. No, this year I'm taking it all one bite at a time.

I cannot change overnight. Neither can you. Just because you wrote something down on a piece of paper saying "I will not drink coke" or "I will exercise" doesn't mean you will be able to pick that up in the flick of a wrist. Take every goal one step at a time. Start small, and then grow. Break things down and do them in bite sized parts. Don't become discouraged. You can do it; your New Year's Resolutions can become Old Year's Successes.

Just remember the Elephant Eating Etiquette : one bite at a time.